Meidil Maleep

Innsung a Phunsia leh Nuahat (Nagger and Naggee)

David Vumlallian Zou

Queen’s University Belfast, UK

Thupatna (Introduction)

THUGEN LEH PHUN KIBATLOUNA lianpi um a, hinanleh mi tampi in khen siam lou hileh a kilawm hi. Zokam a “phunsia” pen English kam in nagging kichi hi. Mi phunsete pen nagger kichi a, phunsan a umte pen naggee kichi hi. Mi a kimuda tahtahte kisamsia ua, hinanleh mi ki-it kingai napi’a kiphunsan tampi um hi. Kholai nasan a phun thei mi um nanleh, phunsiatna pen mi tamzawten innsung a chiing ding mama in dei zaw uhi. Phunna leh nuahna tung tawn in innsung leh khovel a meidil maleep thei ahi. Zokam ah “nupi phunsia bang” chi ham-upa khat ana um hi. Atangpi in numei-te pen phunsia dia ngaisutna um hi. Hinanleh pasal phunsia zong tampi um ahi chi muthei ahi. Phunsiatna leh nuahna thuah kha lou Zou sung ah innkuan vang din ka gingta hi. Nidang Tapidaw suah masang in Zou sung ah awsia leh gausap chite na kithang mama a, tulai khang ah tam bang chiindan damthei huai loute kitawpsan bei phial ta hi. Zodawn singtang lam a khanglui pian khua khenkhat ah pen a kichiinna a um nalai diai chi pen kitheichet lou a, study zong bang ma kibawl ngai lou hi. Hinanleh phunsiatna pen khopi sung a teeng innkuan-te tanpha ah chiindan tangpi in kinei na lai a, i khangtha te kung a i piahsawn ding zong zauhuai phaban hi. Tami ziah in tami chiindan hoi lou study bawl a, thei siam ding poimo ka sa hi.

Chiindan Zauhuai (Perils of Nagging)

Tun phunsiatna gasuate (results) tam lou i en zual ding uhi: Khatna ah, phunsiatna in innsung ah kitheisiam louna pungsah a, atawp ah innsung kikhenna leh nupa kikhenna tanpha awl in tungsah thei hi (Keen 2002). Tate leh nu-le-pa kal ah zong phunsiatna in kitheisiam louna piangsah hi. Tate kholai genlou, gammang tanpha ah delmang thei a, khosung-tuisung tanpha subuai thei hi. Bulsui ta lei, nu-le-pa tampi in thugen leh phun umdan akhenthei lou ziah hikha thei hi. Nina ah, phunsiatna leh nuahna in lunggimna (stress) sangsah a, buaina chinvom chia a neu zong Hausapi mual chia a lian phasah thei hi. Mikhenkhat bang a buaina thupi ziah hilou in, stress level san ziah in shi ding khosa lou um thei hi. A lungsim peikhial zong um thei tham hi. Mi kikhailum tampite buaina tuahte a neu a neu ahi, hinanleh a lunggimna (stress) uh pen sang mama dan ahi. Phunsiatna in tambang stress sangsah a, kingaisiatna leh motna tanpha zong piangsah thei hi. Lungsim natna apat tahsa natna zong tampi piangsawn thei hi. Aziahpen mihing lungsim leh tahsah kizopna hoitah um gige hi.

Aban ah, phunsiatna leh nuahna in innsung apat nuina lungsim (sense of humour) delmang a, kichiam nuina leh kipahtoina hagau a thatlum hi. Tahsa leh lungsim damtheina din innsung a nui khawm ding poimo petma hi. Tami nuina nisha pen phunsiatna meipi in khukhum ut hi. Tualeh nu-le-pa phunhat neite atate un a theilou kal un enton thei hi. Atate un zi-le-pasal anei tan un zong, tami chiindan hoilou peipi suah thei uhi. Tambang dinmun ah, akhanggui a kizui thei hial ahi. Inn sung a phunsiatna umna ah tate’n lai deibang in sim thei lou ding uhi. Tami in innsung lochinna bangtan ama dal pha hi.

Phunsiatna Chiindan Kipatna (Origin of Nagging Habit)

Hichibang a chiindan zauhuai i suhbei theina din phunsiatna leh nuahna hing kipatna bulpi leh thagui teng suikhiat ding poimo hi. Atangpi a phunsiatna hing kipatnate sil neu nounou ahi nuam hi. Houlimdan siam lou ziah leh sil ngai poimo kibat lou ziah zong hithei hi. Etsahna din, papi khat in a tapa kung ah hichin thu agen hi, “Bawipu Thangneu, lupna room a ka zabawm va la zual aw”. Tami pen phunna hinai lou a, ngetna (request) ahi pan hi. Hinanleh Thangneu pen milim kheng in a buai a, a pa thugen a za man sih hi. “Hei, Thangneu, ka za bawm va la in ka chi ve, na bilbing amah?” Papi pa aw hing sang deudeu a, hinanleh Thangneu in, awl nou khat in, “Pa, bang e?” achi pan hi. “Naupang thumang lou, ka za bawm va la in ka chi ve!” Tami papipa phun azah in, naupang Thangneu in a kizah moh bawl a, kholai lam ah kimawl ding in a taimang ta hi. “Alian aneu, kithu manna mawngmawng um lou, bang chi’n na mi suah ding uai? Nu-le-pa thumang lou anahlaw peh lou. Na nu dung suun un, koima thumang lah um mawngmawng lou. Beidot huai sa ing! Anu-ata in kibang uteh …” Tami Zou papipa a phun dildel a, azi in zong a ningkhat ah ana dawng zel hi, “Nang tapa hituam lou e!” Phunsiatna pen meilum mial bang a hing leng in, tami innsung pumpi azel suah ta hi. Thangneu lah inn hing tun ding kisuangla sam a, zaan sawt nua in ahing tung pan hi. Atun phetphet in, anu-le-pa pangkhawm in atapa uh ahing phunsan ziahziah ta uhi. Apa’n atapa Thangneu leh azi aphunsan a; Thangneu nu in atapa leh apasal a phunsan khawm hi. Thangneu pen a nuah a, koima houpi zou lou leh anne lou a gilkial in a lupna lam azuan hi. Tam bang a phunsiatna in innsung a vai ahawm zing leh Thangneu pen singnuaimi zong hing suah thei a, a nu-le-pa zong lungsiatna nei khol lou maithei ding hi. “Thangneu, na nu-le-pa’n ahing itdan theisiam lou na hi” chi’n Jesu mama in gen nanleh, Thangneu in tahsang lou maithei ding hi.

Nupi-papi phunsia tampi kithei a, hinanleh naupang phunsia pen kithei khol lou hi. A um diai vang thei chet sing! Hinanleh papi khenkhat phunna ziahte ahileh – tate zatep pan di’a sawl, sum zatdan toh kisai (income tawm ziah), inn kuanpite kholai vah ding phal lou, kholai a vanlei dia tate sawl zou lou, biah-inn kai ding deina a tate phunsan, tate skul kai kiphin, nau ngap pha lou a akahkah ziah a zi phunsan, tate chidam a akinah mawl seng ziah a lungthah a phunchiah, etc.

Tami innsung buaina pumpi i etleh, thugen leh phun umdan Thangneu nu-le-pa’n akhentel siam louziah ahi. Gal apat phun lou a, Thangneu mittang leh maitang mama en (eye contact) a, “Nu-le-pa thumang lou anah loh peh lou” chi’a gen pen kithuhilna hoitah ahi. Hinanleh gal apat phun a, Thangnou maitang-mittang mama en lou a, “Nu-le-pa thumang lou anah loh peh lou” chi moh pen phunsiatna huaise tah ahia, naupang adia guu (poison) toh kibang ahi. Mi phunsete thugen teng phun lou a zong gen thei veve ngen ahi. Na thugen sang in na thugen dan (tone) poimo zaw hi. Naupang thu i hil ut leh, amaitang-mittang en a (eye contact) thugen ding ahi. Tuapen chiangkang sang a hat zoh ahia, zong hing zatat zaw ding uhi. Naupang chiangkang a na sat leh hing zataat lou ding a, hing giin tho ding hi. Naupang in ahing it ding leh zatat (giing hilou) ding thupi zaw hi. Tumlam gam ah chiangkang a naupang thunun kiphal non lou hi. Chiangkang in naupang kimuanna (self-respect) susia a, gamsa suah (brutalized) sah a, gilou sah deudeu ding hi. Naupang pilte’n mi-simmo a um ding sang in, mi-gilou hiding teelzaw uhi. Chiangkang a kisat pen naupang musitna leh simmo na ahia, “Gamsa toh kibang na hi” china khat suah hi. Tami in naupang psychology khantouna nasatah in daal hi.

Dr. Klinetob and Dr. Smith (1997) ten, Psychology Today ah nupa phunsia mi 50 study abawl uhi. Amau mudan in, phunsiatna pen nupaten a deina uh kichiantah a gen thei lou ziah uh ahi. Hun tam zaw ah, genut nei pen hing phun masa ding a, khat pen in ngaisah lou ding hi. Aphun pen in ngaikhoh sil khat nei ding a, phunsan a um pen in tuami thupi sim lou ding hi. Tuachin a kal uah lungsim deidan kikupna um lou deudeu ding hi. Aphunse pen mifel leh piching dan deu in phun ding a, midangte naupang bawl leh simmaw bawl ding hi. Tualeh phunsan a um pen a pilzaw dan a kingaisun in hamlou ding hi. Adihtah in, a phunse pen leh hamlou a um pen kibang ahi. Ani un a deidan uh kichian tah a genkhiat dan (communication skill) thei lou ahi uhi. Tualeh Lisa Tolin (1997) gendan in, innsung a thuneidan (power structure) kikim lou umna ah phunsiatna tam deu hi. Atangp in pasal in thu anei sengna (patriarchal society) te ah numei pen phunse nuam hi. Hichibang nupi te a phun chiang un thuneina (power) themkhat nei dan deu in kingaisun uhi. Apasal pen a pilzaw dan a kingaisun in na ham lou maithei ding a, hinanleh kisiamphat sawm tuan lou ding hi; aziahpen pasal thununna nuai ah azi akoi ut den hi. Hichibang khanglui lungsim kipaa sahna pen English in “patriarchy” kichi hi. Tambang a patriarchy hatna society leh innsung ah khantouna ahi ding bang tah in um thei lou hi.

Phunna Damdawi Ding (Remedies for Nagging)

Phunsiatna bulpi i suileh eima kiletsahna leh midang simmawna ahi. Miphunse ten indirect a agen ut uh tami ahi, “Hei, ka thugen ngai in, nang sang in ka fel zaw, ka pil zaw – sil ngaikhoh ka hau zaw – kei um sih leng bang na suah lehtah diai – bang dia hing zatat lou na hiai?” chi nuam ahi uhi. Hichibang mi phunsete pen amasang a lungduai zaw leh hamdan siam zaw khat toh a teen khawm leh bailam tah a suh dam thei ahi. Atahtah in, mi phunse ten ama felna leh chitna maimai a mu ziah uh ahi. Tualeh midang teng ama deidan a um din adei hi. Ama midang teng sang a pil zaw, thei zaw a kikoi in, “A ham nuam nang sah uh ama, ham louna ding in um ve ua!” chi’n a phunsiatna zong kisiam tan zelzel ding hi. Atahtah in, mimawl pen zong mikhat deidan a hin ding uttuam sam lou hi. Aneu pen leh mawl pen zong zatat tah a houpi a, thuhil tho a, phunsan lou ding ahi.

Alelam ah, phunsan ding mi um lou in mi phunsia um thei lou hi. Mikhenkhat kum 10 kiphunsan nanleh dawng lou a um thei zong um hi. Tambang a hamlou a umte’n zong aguh in a phunse pen simmo ua, dawn tham sa lou china ahi. Hichia hamlou a na um leh, hing kiphunsan deudeu ding hi. Miphunse pen a phun lai tah a dawn lou ding poimo tham hi. Dawng lei hing kitoh hang deudeu ding hi. Hinanleh, hamlou a um zing zong a damdawi hoi pen hilou zel hi. Phunse pen in adeina bang ahiai? Bang pen chet gen nuam ahiai? chi limtah a ngaisun poimo hi. A sil ngai khoh pen nang deidan toh a kituah lou leh, nang mudan (viewpoint) kichian tah in gen in. Na kam a gendan na thei lou leh zong laithot (letter) dan in gelh masa in. Khat veivei miphunse-te deina zong sil hoipi hi kha thei hi. Hinanleh tami sil hoi na bawl zou lou zong aziah gen in, panpi ngai nahileh zong na innkuanpite theisah in. Bang ma gen lou a moh um zong aguh a kipilsahna dih lou hi maithei hi.

Thu-nuasia (Concluding Remarks)

Atawpna din, khovel ah mihing a hoilou pumpang um lou a, pianken a sil sia himhim zong um tuan lou hi. I khovel mudan leh mimal ngaidan (attitude) zil in sil hoi leh sia um thei pan hi. Tualeh inn sung khat a sil hoi a kingaisun pen inn sung dang ah silsia in kingaisun maithei ding hi. Innkuan tuamtuam in sil ngaisan (value system) tuamtuam nei a, innkuan khat sung ah zong tami value system awlawl in kiheng thei zohma nalai hi. Atangpi in khualzinmi leh midang culture theina zau (exposure) nei ten sil ngaisiamna hau deu uhi. Aziah pen culture tuamtuam leh innkuan tuamtuam silngaisan leh khovel etdan kibang lou petma hi. Midang mudan tha leh sil etdan tha (attitudinal change) na neitheina din, na zi-le-tate ahilouleh na pasal dinmun ding ah nang ma kikoi inlen, tuami mitbel tha (new lens) toh midang-te lungsim study bawl in. Tam bang a midang etdan tha leh pomsiamna na nei leh, phunsiatna leh hamlou a nuahna chite’n na innsung ah mun nei non lou ding hi. Tami thului a phunsiatna kisui pen a bul patna maimai ahia, aban ah Zou sung a phunsiatna chiing innkuan khenkhat zong “case study” bawl belap ding dei huai nalai hi.

Laibu-ette (Bibliography)

Keen, Cathy (2002) “Nagging in Families: Why, and How It can be Handled”.

Tolin, Lisa (1997) “A new look at Nagging”, Psychology Today, Jul- Aug. [Review article].

Muppala, Savitha (2004) “Stop Nagging and Start Enjoying”.

Peterson, Gayle (2006) “Nagging, not Talking”.